I lay down the law in a non-homo way

I got a standard NOK(next of kin) scam from a Frank Wilson. Here is how I responded:

I'm certainly interested. Tell me more about the accident! I didn't know I had family there. Smuckles, we get around, eh?

So you are giving me 40% of 15 million dollars? Make that $500 and you've got yourself a deal, my friend. I need a new dishwasher, and boy this will help.

I'll be frank with you. I don't want none of that funny business. You know, where you try to seduce me. I won't stand for godless man-on-man relationships. If you're a filthy sodomite you can just stop right here. Sure, I enjoy getting close to other men. I'll even smack a man on the bottom if I'm frisky. But that's manly things you do with men. Ain't anything close to letting a man rub his gentleness on you, you know what I mean.