The long awaited response to Valeriya

After a few days of not responding to the last letter:

I have been ill, my love. I began snorting up all manner of disgusting things from my sinuses. I took care and douched my nose and thankfully it has diminished in volume. I believe at one point a kitten fell out of my nostril.

The entire time I was bedridden, I thought about you. I imagined the both of us laying on that hammock, wearing bathing suits, rubbing each other's forehead with bacon. I imagined sliding a thick sausage against your neck. I imagined breaking a delicious egg yolk over your belly. My daydreams were a flurry of breakfast foods and Valeriya.

Now that I'm feeling better and more human, I would like to tell you that I have contacted my priestly friend. He has experience in helping women come to America, and has friends in the Immigration and Naturalization Service. He can be counted on to ease your arrival here as well as help with any fees we encounter. He can also, get this, marry us. I'll see if he's got an email address so you can talk to him.

Happy happy joy joy!
Happy happy joy joy!
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!

Tell me how you have been, my love. I hope you weren't snorting up kittens as well!