Re: Funds Transfer/Change of ownership

I discombobulated the dear Scotsman so much with my request that he momentarily lapsed into Nigerian semi-literacy.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mr Frank From Royal Bank <royalbnk741@hotmail.co.uk>
Date: Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 11:56 AM
Subject: Funds Transfer/Change of ownership
To:xxxxx@xxxxxx.com

Thank you for your mail Mr Tom Delays,

In response to your request for my photograph and that of Mrs Hilary weston, Am sorry Its not official to provide you with such information's. My duty is to make sure the funds is safely transfered into your account. secondly, payment should be made before the bank can provide you with the online account, without the change of ownership the bank cannot  provide you with any account information, so you are advice to make payment for the change of ownership before we can commence transfer.

 

Payment cannot be made to Royal Bank of scotland directly, because, the Bank account is for transctions exceeding $1 Million USD. All payment less than $1 million USD should be sent to the Bank P.R.O, Mr Andrea Williams who is appointed to receive foreign payment from customer.

Furthermore, this transaction is between you and the transfer unit of Royal Bank, Mr Andrea Williams is just the bank P.R.O and its not officially connected to this transfer.

 

Thank you for your Co-operation,

Sincerely,

Mr Frank Moss

 

Head of Corporate Responsibility
The Royal Bank of Scotland Group
Business House F
Gogarburn
PO Box 1000
Edinburgh
EH12 1HQ
UK
Telephone:
+(44) 702 404 2655 

______________________________________________________________

© Bank of Scotland plc 2010. The copyright and material on Bank of Scotland's Internet web site is owned by Bank of Scotland plc and protected by the copyright laws of the United Kingdom

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

Maxwell Tapsoba, Owner of the World, wants my help

This is certainly the hugest amount I've seen a scammer claim to not own. As a manager of a banking institution, he will surely notice that he was a little fuzzy in describing this number and then correct me on the orders of magnitude error I made.

From:xxxxx <xxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 11:33 AM
Subject: Re: My Dear Friend
To: maxwelltapsoba@voila.fr


1. FULL NAME.......... Tom Stockton Delays
2. TELEPHONE NUMBERS......  (424) xxx xxxx
3. YOUR AGE......36
4. YOUR SEX.........male
5. YOUR OCCUPATION........organ-grinder accountant
6. YOUR COUNTRY AND CITY......USA, Achewood
7. YOUR HOME ADDRESS..........11 Via Verde
8. MARITAL STATUS............Widower

Wow. I look forward to acquiring even a tiny fraction of that $10,200,000,000,000. Count in in, my good man, and let us TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

On Sun, Oct 24, 2010 at 9:35 AM, Maxwell Tapsoba <maxswellekong@gmail.com> wrote:

My Dear Friend I am Mr. Maxwell Tapsoba, address: #205 Ave. Kadiogo Rue de Gounghin Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso. Assistant Manager in banking institution, for your kind attention; I will be very glad if you do assist me to relocate a sum of (US$10,200,000.00 Million Dollars) from the fix balance sum of (US$15.3M) in an account here into your personal bank account for the benefit of both of us. All confirmable legal documents to back up the claims will be obtain legally here, I shall be directing you as it is progressing I don't want this money to go into our Bank recovery account as abandoned fund; I will come over to your country as soon as the fund is transfer successfully into your account. This is 50/50 business deal because of your account and support, also this matter should be a confidential between you and me, delete it if you are not interested. Upon the receipt of your reply and indication of your capability, I will send to you a draft text of application form to apply for the money and more details, I don't want anyone here in the bank to know my involvement during the process. PLEASE STATE YOUR INFORMATION BELOW TO KNOW YOUR CAPABILITY OF HANDLING THIS DEAL. 1. FULL NAME.......... 2. TELEPHONE NUMBERS....... 3. YOUR AGE...... 4. YOUR SEX......... 5. YOUR OCCUPATION........ 6. YOUR COUNTRY AND CITY...... 7. YOUR HOME ADDRESS.......... 8. MARITAL STATUS............ My Regards Mr Maxwell Tapsoba Tel:+226 79237654

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

Williams Lari excites this foreigner

From: xxxxxx <xxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 11:21 AM
Subject: Re: from the royal chambers
To: JOSEPH MORGAN <info.jpmargan_consultancy@yahoo.com.au>, info.africamonetary_union@safe-mail.net


I am certainly enthusiastic. You simply have no idea how often in my childhood I curled up in a fetal position with a bottle of Captain Morgan and imagined receiving consignments of valuables from the depths of the Dark Continent. Afterwards I would clean myself off and tell myself that like a 1980's music video it can only be a dream.

"Or is it?" was the thought that barreled through my brain as I read your message. All those debauched childhood dreams came flowing back like liquid monkeys being poured out of incredible silver-plated barrels. I felt so nostalgic I defecated immediately right where I sat.

Please, tell me more details.

On Sun, Oct 24, 2010 at 4:21 AM, JOSEPH MORGAN <info.jpmargan_consultancy@yahoo.com.au> wrote:

I am Barrister A. Williams Lari (Esq.)., legal consultant to JP Morgan International and the Africa Union bank.   I'm sending you this mail in respect of my late client's son ( Chudi Malik), he is from war torn Republic of Sudan  in north Africa. My client was a reputable business man (A Diamond/Gold and Oil Merchant),  It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad. Though his sudden death was rather suspected to have been masterminded by his relations and political opponents especially an uncle of his who traveled with him at that time. But God knows the truth!. Before his death, he deposited two metallic boxes with a security company here in Accra, the capital city of Ghana because of the political unrest (situation) in his country (Sudan), the contents of the two boxes are Diamond/Gold while the second box contain cash $2.7 million USD, for security reasons he told the Security company that the contents of both boxes are his personal and family effects. The deposit documents are with me as his legal adviser, now his only son, who is the beneficiary is here in my country as a refugee, he came through the assistant of the Africa Union Peace keepers in his country, on a refugee status due to different family problems, political instability in his country and safety of  his life too, which has made things very difficult for him at the moment. I need you to be his guardian and legal appointed beneficiary, to enable the security company  release the boxes to you , so that you will get him papers to travel to your country to continue his education while you invest part of the money for his future. If your response is positive, I will present you to the Security Company as the foreign business partner to my late client and all documentations will be done legally with his son. We forward to hear from any enthusiastic foreigner. Regard, Bar.Williams On behalf of the bank. 00233 285025303 contact me via my official email address info.africamonetary_union@Safe-mail.net

 

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays
Mobile #:  (424) 704-3468

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays
Mobile #:  (424) 704-3468

Princess Williams ignores the story of my birth

Showing no curiosity toward it at all toward the epic situation of my birth, she just sends me an impersonal description.

I will get her birth story, somehow.

From: Princess Williams <princess4silver@yahoo.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 4:20 AM
Subject: I WILL LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU
To: xxxxxxxxx <xxxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Dearest One.   I am more than happy in your urgent mail to my email.How was your day today?..Mine a little cold over here in Dakar Senegal.My Name is princess Williams,I am (24) years old, single and never married,  5ft 7 inches Tall, 55kg weight, black hair and brown eyes,i am from Cote d' Ivoire in West Africa and presently i am residing in the camp here in Dakar Senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my Country some years ago. My late father  General Donatus Williams was The Former Director Of Cocoa Export In My Country (Cote d' Ivoire)  Who is now Dead with my Mother  Calaralin Donatus. It's only Me that is alive now and i managed to make my way to a West African country Senegal where i am living now as a refugee. I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next mail. Attached here is my picture.Hoping to hear from you soonest. Yours Forever MISS PRINCESS WILLIAMS

--
Ramses Luther Smuckles
We are, after all, professionals.
mobile #: (530) 426-2419

I won the MegaMillions Intertubes Lotto!

From: xxxxxx <xxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Oct 28, 2010 at 12:56 AM
Subject: Re: Official Notification
To: johnfullham1@w.cn


Wow this is amazing! I've never won anything that was to be won! Are you sure I won? This is a miracle. This is the greatest thing that has ever happened in the history of the entire universe. This is better than eating a chicken sandwich.

VERIFICATION FORM
NAME: Tom Delays
ADDRESS: 11 Via Verde, Achewood Courts, CA, 90714, USA
COUNTRY: USA
OCCUPATION: Organ-grinder Accountant
AGE: 36
SEX:… Male
PHONE NUMBER: (xxx)xxx xxxx
BATCH NUMBER: SA/10/FE
WINNING NUMBER: 06-09-13-15-40-43-09
TICKET NUMBER: FE08WCSA

On Sat, Oct 23, 2010 at 7:15 AM, Megamillions Lottery Award <johnfullham1@w.cn> wrote:

MEGAMILLIONS LOTTERY PROMOTION PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT HEADQUARTERS  79 FETTER LANE LONDON EC4A LAG, UNITED KINGDOM . CONGRATULATIONS!!!CONGRATULATIONS!!!!CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!          We are pleased to announce your email address as one of the lucky winners in the Free Lotto in the internet game in which email addresses were used. It is a promotional program aimed at encouraging internet users; therefore you do not need to buy a ticket to enter for the game.         However, your email address was attached to ticket number FE08WCSA with batch number SA/10/FE and the lucky numbers 06-09-13-15-40-43-09, which eventually won the lottery in the six categories of the draws. Therefore you have won a lottery jackpot prize award of $600,000.00usd (Six Hundred Thousand Dollars) and tickets to qualify for our next draws. Note that this program was largely promoted for the internet users. Megamillions  group being one of the largest company in the world and sponsors of lottery games to promote internet users and also to help the needy. SO NO TICKETS WHERE SOLD To Claim your prize, please contact Dr. John Fullham immediately you receive this message accompanied with your personal details, full name, address, nationality, sex, age, telephone number and your ticket number and batch number for processing and release of your fund. Below is the claim Agent contact information and verification form to fill by you: Dr. John Fullham Tel:  +447035905364 E-mail:johnfullham1@w.cn VERIFICATION FORM NAME: ADDRESS: COUNTRY: OCCUPATION: AGE: SEX:… PHONE NUMBER: BATCH NUMBER: WINNING NUMBER: TICKET NUMBER:   Our winners are assured of the utmost standards of confidentiality, and press anonymity until the end of processing and beyond where they so desire. Be further advised to maintain the strictest level of confidentiality until the end of the proceedings to circumvent problem associated with double claims. Also You have to bear in mind that your fund has been deposited in a bank and also insured so it cannot be tampered by anybody whosoever, till you receive the Fund in your possession. NB: You are given 10 days to collect your certificate,and claim your fund, so that your document will be forwarded for payment. CONGRATULATIONS ONCE MORE!!!!!   At your disposal I remain Mohammed Islam (Promotional manager)

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

Re: Hello

From     xxxxxxxxx <xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
to         princess4silver@yahoo.com
date     Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 10:06 PM
subject     Re: Hello

Top of the day to the bottom of your heart. You warm the cockles of my heart.
My dear vestige of feudalism, my symbolic monument to the age of serfs and plagues, let us talk of Cabbages and Kings.

I have a lot to tell you, and I am sure my pretty little Princess Buttercup Williams will have a lot to tell me as well.

Let's start off with the days of our births.

I was born on a dark and stormy night. Lightning flashed and thunder roared outside while my mother, the dear Abbess Von Vorglewurst, writhed on bloodsoaked sheets. Nine months earlier she had been raped by Lord Chauncey-Dur-Gambolputty. Now she was giving birth to an enormous baby boy. My head being too large to fit through the opening of the womb, the doctor hit her upon the head with the nearest object, a fattened rooster, and then cut me out of my mother's body using a pair of pliers, his teeth, and a common garden trowel. My poor mother did not survive this, but I survived. Less than two hours later, my rapist-father's voivods burst through the door and killed the midwife and my aunts. They tied me into a burlap sack, strapped me to a horse, and then crushed its testicles. The horse fled, terrified, at top speed into the wind and rain and dark.

By morning I was found hundreds of miles away in the wilderness of Bollockshire, Wales.

How was your birth?

On Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 8:49 PM, princess williams <princessxxxy@att.net> wrote:

Hello my dear, i am writing to you from the bottom of my heart, i found you to be catchy and i thought it will be wise to let you read from me, i would be very grateful if you would respond to me. I shall send you my pictures the moment i read from you with much pleasure that you are having a very nice and a lovely wonderful day without wasting your precious time will like to end and waiting to read from you. Contact me direct to my email for easy and direct communication take care and be safe. your best regard miss princess williams

--
Ramses Luther Smuckles
We are, after all, professionals.

Re: Funds Transfer/Change of ownership

* First Name: Tom
* Surname: Delays
* Middle Name: Stockton
* Country: USA
* Residential Address: 11 Via Vera, Achewood, CA, 90714, USA
* Phone Number: 1-757-484-9987
* Mobile Number: My employer issued it, cannot use outside work
  (for sms alert)
* Occupation: Organ-grinder Accountant
* Age: 36
* Sex: Male
* Next of Kin: Tom Waits, P.h.D., S.o.H.K.

* Scan Copy of your passport or ID : attached is a scan of my Passport, Driver's License, National ID, SIDS, High School Transcript, and a photo of myself on stage at Prague (The last is just so you can put a face to my name. Could you send me a picture of yourself and Mrs. Weston too?) [note: the "scan" is a 6.8MB file in the magical .jpx format]

I have some questions. Do I pay the transfer fees now, or after I have received the online account informations?

I tried to call you before I left the office, but I kept getting "Danny Boy" played on a loop by what sounded like a toddler squeezing a constipated cat. It must be a bank holiday. Do you have a personal number I can call?

I'm concerned about this Andrea Williams. Who is she? Why am I not paying the Royal Bank of Scotland directly? Come to think of it, why am I not wiring you the money? If I'm going to be sending her money, could you have her email me?

Can I go to your Internet web site and pay through there?

On Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 6:56 PM, Mr Frank From Royal Bank <royalbnk741@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:

Welcome to Royal Bank of Scotland

Good Day Tom Delays,

I am Mr Frank Moss from Royal Bank of Scotland, United Kingdom. We today received a mail from Mrs Hilary Weston to transfer her funds with Royal Bank of scotland to your name, presently she's undergoing a surgery operation in canada. Her instructions is to  change the ownership of the funds/account to your name before the Bank can commence transfer of your entitled funds of $5,000.000.00 (Five Million Dollars) to your nominatted bank account.

Furthermore, you are required to send your correct data listed below so I can send it to the Crown court here in the United Kingdom for change of ownership of Mrs Hilary Weston account to your name.

THE BELOW INFORMATION'S ARE REQUIRED:

* First Name:
* Surname:
* Middle Name:
* Country:
* Residential Address:
* Phone Number:
* Mobile Number:
  (for sms alert)
* Occupation:
* Age:
* Sex:
* Next of Kin:

* Scan Copy of your passport or ID

As soon as I can get this information's from you, the Bank attorney will represent you in the Crown Court to sign the neccessary documents needed for the change of ownership, Afterwhich you will be provided with an online account informations for you to transfer the funds yourself online to any Bank account in the world, or we can do a Bank to Bank transfer depending which method of transfer you need.

NOTE: The court fees for the change of ownership and documents have to be paid by you before the changes can be made, because the funds is currently on Mrs Hilary Weston Name and we do not have the right to transfer the funds directly to you without change of ownership.

Payment for the change of ownership $320.43 (Three Hundred and Thirty Dollars) should be sent to the P.R.O of Royal Bank of scotland Via WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER or MONEY GRAM with the information's below.

Receiver's Name: Andrea Williams (JP)
Receiver's Address : PO Box 1000
                     Edinburgh
                     EH12 1HQ
                    united kingdom
Amount(fee) : $320.43

As soon as payment is made, you are to send to this office the scan copy of the payment receipt as given to you by the WESTERN UNION/MONEY GRAM officials. In Absence of scanner, you are to provide us with the following;

(1) SENDERS FULL NAME(S) :
(2) SENDERS ADDRESS/COUNTRY:
(3) MTCN (money transfer control number):
    (written on the western union receipt)
(4) AMOUNT SENT:

Thank you for your Co-operation,

Sincerely,

Mr Frank Moss

Head of Corporate Responsibility
The Royal Bank of Scotland Group
Business House F
Gogarburn
PO Box 1000
Edinburgh
EH12 1HQ
UK
Telephone:
+(44) 702 404 2655 

______________________________________________________________

© Bank of Scotland plc 2010. The copyright and material on Bank of Scotland's Internet web site is owned by Bank of Scotland plc and protected by the copyright laws of the United Kingdom.

--
There's a few things I never could believe,
Tom Delays

Collaborative Scambaiting at Posterous

I've set up http://419baits.posterous.com

If you've got a bait going on, all you have to do is ask me to make you a contributor, and you can bcc your baits directly to the blog. Posterous, unlike Blogspot, restricts posting access by email address, so an accidental cc will only alert the scammer rather than ruin everything by giving him posting access.

Re: Good day,

Are you sure you have enough gold to meet my needs? I shall need 450kg of 94.5% pure gold dust.

I am actually travelling to Accra next week on business. If you can provide the needed quantities with necessary purity, I will bring along my assayer. I will keep you updated regarding my travel plans.

Waiting your response in hopes of mutual profit and decadent investments,
Ramses Luther Smuckles

2010/10/26 kwame nanas <kwamenanasmail@rediffmail.com>

Good day,

It really an utmost pleasure writing to you.I am Kwame Nana from Ghana.I got
your email after a research from the internet,i went through your profile
and found it really interesting because i believe you are someone i can
collaborate with in my gold business which i wish to expand.

I and my mother are poor gold miners in Ghana.At the present time we have
been able to secure enough gold.Selling the gold here is very cheap as there
are enough gold in Ghana and we are not making enough profit in the
business.It is for this reason that we are in need of a foreign partner who
will assist us in selling this gold outside Ghana so that we would be able
to make more returns from the business.

We will send the gold to you by diplomatic means to your country.On the
other hand,if you would prefer coming over to Ghana,you are highly welcome
because we have enough gold at the moment.If you are willing to partner with
us,kindly send us the information below to the address:
kwamenanasmail@rediffmail.com

1 Your name and address
2 Your phone number

Thanks and God bless,
Kwame Nana.







________________________________________________________________________
This email has been scanned for all viruses by the iMail VirusWall Email
Security System.
For more information on this proactive email security service working around
the clock,
around the globe, visit http://viruswall.aserver.com.hk
________________________________________________________________________

--
Ramses Luther Smuckles
We are, after all, professionals.

Re: Deceased Relative / Client. !

I love your cartoon. My, Dogbert gets me every time!

Yes, I do have a dead relative who lived in Zurich. Old Uncle Culpepper. He was a mighty man, steeped in southern charm and mint julep. Tell me he is not dead! Oh dear.

If it is indeed Uncle Culpepper Smuckles, I assure you I can provide mountains of photographs and such of us taking an iced tea together on the porch, inhaling the cool scent of honeysuckle while the gentle sounds of cottonpickers flow to us in the languid breeze of Louisiana. I also have several of his letters. Would this constitute sufficient proof?

2010/10/27 Mr Adams Scott <info@acerconsultants-uk.com>

From: Mr Adams Scott
ACER Consultants Service Ltd.

This is a confidential message from ACER Consultants: private consulting firm in London, United Kingdom.

I have been directed to contact you with regards to ongoing investigations involving a deceased client of Royal Bank of Scotland. The client, who shared the same last name with you, died intestate so it is standard and mandatory that a next of kin be sought who may inherit the estate. Kindly clarify the following:

 - Are you aware of any relative of yours whose last known contact address was Zurich, Switzerland, with investments of considerable value with Royal Bank of Scotland?

 - If you answered yes to the above then can you establish beyond reasonable doubt your eligibility to assume status of next of kin to the deceased?

Understand that we are at this point contstained to share more details of this matter with you. We will need to hear from you urgently and hope you can assist us in bringing this inquiry to a conclusion.Please respond to my private email below as soon as possible to afford us the opportunity to close this investigation. Thank you for accommodating our enquiries.

Yours sincerely,
Mr Adams Scott
ACER Consultants Service Ltd
For: Royal Bank of Scotland.
364 Windbridge,London Uk.
Email: mradams_scott@consultant.com
Tel/fax: 00-44-7005-921-477

------------------------------------------------------------------------
This e-mail is confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual(s) to whom it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, be advised that you have received this e-mail in error and that any use, dissemination, forwarding, printing, copying of, or any action taken in reliance upon it, is strictly prohibited and may be illegal.

--
Ramses Luther Smuckles
We are, after all, professionals.

Georgina is waiting

From: Georgina Kofi <georginakofi@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 11:04 AM
Subject: Re: please contact the company on my behalf.
To: xxxxxxxx <xxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>


i am waiting

On 10/27/10, ramses smuckles <rames.smuckles@gmail.com> wrote:
> 1.senders full name: Ramses Luther Smuckles
> 2.text question and answer: Where's the beef? In me
> 3.transaction code which is MTCN: 489625878
> 4.Amont send:$3,300
>
> There. I mistook a five for a three! Ha! I'm such a fucking retard!
>
> Write me back when you get the money, my love. I can't wait to hear from
> you.

Fwd: help the sos children

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: xxxxxxx <xxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 27, 2010 at 10:16 AM
Subject: Re: help the sos children
To: georgepad512 <georgepad512@zoho.com>


I am good, and my children are happy and plump. Thank you for your concern.

Sorry about the delay. I was in East Asia on business, and was far from any electricity, let alone internet access.

You say you have 11 virgin girls, but how many total healthy virgins under the age of 22? Sex is not a factor in our decision to acquire them.

Please tabulate and return back to me the number of healthy virgins you possess. If possible, list their names, ages, how sure you are that they are indeed virgins, and any comments regarding their health you feel necessary. This list is not urgent, however, as we will send a physician out to inspect them personally anyway.

I am pleased you are such a generous man. I hope your family prospers. How is your family?

Oh. Please note that, as I said, our legal department will provide all documentation necessary for the transaction to appear legal. We will cover all costs. You need not worry about appearances.

On Fri, Oct 22, 2010 at 7:33 AM, georgepad512 <georgepad512@zoho.com> wrote:

Dearesr Brother
  how are you doing today and how is the family, i got the mail you sent to me and i want to say is nice hearing from you again.
i would want to know how many virgin kids you need so as to enable me prepare them for you, also you must know that this is africa and these kids  are motherless and fatherless kids.  it will be my delight to inform you that right now we have 11 grown up virgin girls of about 22 yrs of age. i also want to inform you that you will be taking care of their  international passport, ticket and visa funds as over here our mission is to take care of them till they are fully grown up and due for marriage.
in this manner i will be awaiting your responds so as to know what your comment is on this, but i also want to let you know we do not sell kids or use them as a means of making money, in this case it will be seen that we are giving them out for marriage as i will be going to the missionary church that heads all the orphanages homes here to collect a permit paper so as to enable their free movement in the embassy.
do get back to me with your responds.
May the peace of the Lord be with you.

Georgina Kofi

I got this on the 21st from a Georgina Kofi (Billy's dear Georgina):

Dear Sir,
I want to thank you for your response, I sincerely appreciate your interest
to assist me in my needs, however I would like to be sure of your
willingness, trustworthiness and commitment to execute this transaction with
me, I cannot afford to compromise these virtues because this transaction
highly sensitive, I have my principles which will profit both of us
immediately it arrive your country.

I know you might be wondering where I got your email contact but to be
honest with you, I got your contact email directly on the Internet during my
search for a reliable partner who would be of assistance to act as my
foreign beneficiary of my two consignment boxes in the standard security
company here in my country Ghana, if you read my previous email properly I
have explained  why I need  your assistance for a better investment and my
further education in your country.

I have attachments the two documents,ownership and deposite certificate to
you in other to prove you that this properties belong to me,it is necessary
for me to be sure of the person  to whom I will be entrusting this
transaction, so I need to be convinced that you are a matured person with
some integrity and I will also prove my integrity to you. I will like you to
send me your photo and your contact number for easy communication as i have
attach my photo and my consignment documents to you and plaese contact the
standard security company where my father deposited my properties for the
clearance and shipment to your country.

Here is the company informaions.
Name of the company director:Dr.Anthony Klu
Email:standardsecurityservicegh@gmail.com
Private telephone number:00233548331778

introduce your self as my late father business partner or as my
husband and he will direct
you on how to clear the properties and ship to you thank you.

Hope to read from you soonest.
Best Regards,
Georgina Kofi.

I responded:

Attached you will find my photo [note: photo of Christopher Walken as Max Zorin].

Send me another picture of yourself without a shirt, and I'll give you
my personal home phone number.

She responded:

GOOD EVENINGAND HOW ARE YOU DOING, HOPE EVERY THING IS OK WITH YOU?
PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE WRITE THE COMPANY, SO THAT I WILL BE
DIRECTING YOU ON WHAT TO DO.
PLEASE GET ME BACK AS SOON AS POSIBLE

THANK YOU
GEORGIN KOFI

Wow. Quite excited! I responded:

Now now. Pleasure before business.

I will wire you $3,550 via Western Union the moment you send that
picture. Then our real business can commence.

It's simple. In your next email send me your payment details and the
picture of yourself. I will immediately respond with an email
containing the MTCN for immediate pick up.

Then, after I have seen your breasts and you have held my money, we
can get down to the real business.

I'll be waiting for that picture. I hope you're as eager to get on
with our business as I am.

She replied:

Ok,if you wish here is my receivers informations:

receivers name:(josephine ashong)
after you have send it ,here is the information i will need from you as follows.

1.senders full name:
2.text question and answer:
3.transaction code which is MTCN:
4.Amont send:


This will help me pick up the money without any problem thank you very much.

Regard
Georgina Kofi

I replied:

1.senders full name: Georgina Kofi
2.text question and answer: Where's the beef? In me
3.transaction code which is MTCN: 489623878
4.Amont send:$3,300

This did not please her:

why will you tell me that? Hw can senders name should be my name am i
the one sending the money to you ? why? beside i have track the money
through the number you give me but is not real why?

pls if you real know you send the money, here is the informations i
need from you.

1.senders full name i means the person who send the money name.
2.transction code MTCN NUMBER.
3.what name do you send the money to.
4. test question and answer
5.country of origin, where the money is coming from.

thank you and waiting for you.

I replied:

What? I thought I was giving you correct informations.

Wait a second, I'll check my receipt and get back to you. Maybe I used
another string of numbers or something on the paper.

Sorry about this. I'll make it up to you, my love.

I then followed up with:

1.senders full name: Ramses Luther Smuckles
2.text question and answer: Where's the beef? In me
3.transaction code which is MTCN: 489625878
4.Amont send:$3,300

There. I mistook a five for a three! Ha! I'm such a fucking retard!

Write me back when you get the money, my love. I can't wait to hear from you.

Let's see how she responds.

Older

Ships in the night

I received this from a Billy:

Hello Georgina,

I have received your e-mail requesting help. My name is Billy Ferguson, I am a business man from Scotland. I have read about your terrible plight and I am deeply moved. It is disgusting to hear that your uncles are mistreating you. What can I do to help?

Kind regards,
Billy

I responded:

Do I look like a Georgina, even one who has been cruelly mistreated by nefarious uncles who almost certainly possess eye patches and lecherous pugs?

Sir, you have made a terrible mistake. I demand satisfaction. You and I shall square off at noon tomorrow in Tianenmen Square. Our weapons will be chimpanzees, two black rubber dildos, or the perfectly preserved corpses of both Orson Welles and Jimmy Durante. Your choice.

We shall fight to either the death or the giggles, you perspicacious rapscallion in whose father's face I smear something indescribably foul! 

He responded, to my utter shock:

Woops. I was replying to a mail from a Nigerian scammer. I lifted your mail (seems to have mailed you too) instead of his. I was hoping to waste his time rather than yours though your challenge for a duel sounds entertaining, I'll go with the corpses.

Wow. I responded:

They always do. They always do.

Hey, do you want to bait together? I can be your Inuit brother-husband, Cthulhu-cultist pastor, the lad dolla-chopping you, etc.

If you like, I'll throw some your way. I'm working on a trick I call Accidentally Forwarded Emails. The idea being that you forward the lad's email to another character who then gets somehow involved in the transaction. An exchange develops, and at some point you reply to this second character "accidentally" cc'ing it to the lad. Now there's a fine sub-plot, you double his work-load, double the opportunity for confusion, etc.

Here's hoping to ruin some profits together.

The Alphabet Serial Song

I won the webmaster lotto!

Proof:

Juliet, Oh Juliet

I got this average refugee-orphan-with-a-ton-of-money scam letter:

Hello,

Thanks for your email and the acceptance to assist me. I want you to help me retrieve the money from the bank where it been deposited by my late father  for investment purpose, the procedure is that you have to contact the them to initiate the process.

Your full name / address: ............................

Identity card/Passport:................................

Age/Marital statue:...................................

Telephone number:......................................

Occupation:............................................

country................................................

As soon as this information are received, I will forward all the information of the bank to establish contact with them to start the process.

Awaiting to hearing from you soonest.

Best regard,
Juliet

I enthusiastically responded:

Your full name / address: ............................Tom D3lays, 11 Via Verde, Achewood, CA, 90714 USA

Identity card/Passport:................................984982424

Age/Marital statue:...................................36 single

Telephone number:......................................1-757-484-9987

Occupation:............................................lounge singer

country................................................USA

religion....................................................satanist

favorite color.............................................ice cream

favorite food.................................................black

dog's name....................................................Fernando Smellybottoms

Mother's name................................................Brucella Christina Donaldson-Higgensworth

Mother's SSN..................................................867-53-0900

Father's fetish....................................................diapers

Baby daddy........................................................NO

Microwave-owner................................................yes

Boss name........................................................Alexander Graham Bellbottoms

Boss's wife's mole................................................inner left thigh

Favorite singer........................................................Ted Bundy

Favorite serial killer...................................................Dick Clark

Least favorite person..................................................muhatma gandhi

Favorite person.......................................................... Marcellus Wallace

looks like a bitch..........................................................NO

Catchphrase................................................................."gosh-darned cunt"

MTCN............................................................................4759128790

Religious Widow response

I sent the following in response to a normal "I'm a religious widow who needs you, a random email address, to distribute millions of dollars toward charities". I haven't gotten a response yet:

 I am a Satanist. I hope this does not affect your decisions.

I simply believe that this world is designed to make humans suffer and
inflict suffering on other humans, in a neverending cat and mouse game
which in even the best of times can be characterized by the sadism of
a young child pouring salt on slugs.

I simply believe with my utmost fiber that every human who has ever
lived ought to have been strangled at birth. This is my faith, and it
has served me well.

I believe there is no God, no good, no decency, no such thing as
Canada. I believe my life is measured only by the number of orphans I
create. I believe Santa Claus is an imaginary pedophile, and I salute
his work ethic.

I believe you will vanish into utter oblivion once you die, and I
would pay good money to have sex with your corpse.

Oh, I also believe that I am just the right man for your job. I am
positively erect with eagerness to distribute your money. Oh, I will
distribute the fuck out of it.

Yours in eternal nothingness and random perturbations of chaos,
Ramses Smuckles

Glory Oneil

I ASEM'd her with a short message: "Going to WU right now. Sending MTCN when I get back."

She responded:

Good morning honey, i am glad to hear from you, please do inform me
immidiately you transfer the money, i hope very soon, i will meet you there
i love you.
Your love, Glory.

I of course had something unforeseen come up:

Your message makes the area between my legs feel tingly.

I'm working on it, my love. Something came up: my daughter announced
that she is now a lesbian, and made me watch hours upon hours of
lesbian pornography starring her in a lead role. I was quite
perturbed, and unable to go to Western Union during the duration of
this marathon.

Yours in hoping he will go blind,
Ramses Luther Smuckles

P.S. Send me a topless pic before I can scratch my eyes out and I may
decide to keep my sense of sight. This is urgent, the Elektra complex
is strong within her!

She replied:

Honey, i am sorry to hear that your daughter is now a lesbian, but it have nothing to do with the money you promised to send yesterday, please try to send the money today, sorry again i don't have another picture at the moments, i promise to send you one when i take a current picture.
I miss you, Glory